so this past few days..like 2 or 3 days has been like hell. I know im like mega late on rent and im tryin to fix it... i got ppl blaming me for the cable bein cut off when its both me and my roomates fault. i have my roomate "checkin up" on me to make sure i have money to eat and im not dieing of starvation..and like on the outside this all looks like nice gestures but im the kind of person that cannot accept charity..ill scrape through and make it on my own..i hate feeling like a charity case...everyone being all sympathetic and shit..be fucking real with me..tell me that shits fucked up u know.

ok, now thats i got that out let me write coherant thoughts lol

so my mother cut me off financially abruptly in june...ive never had a job because she always paid for things. So on top of that,she gives me 1 month to find a job or else she is "packing up my stuff and moving me back to ny" all the while rent money is still not coming in and cable has been cut off (which i feel i am being blamed for, when its both me and my roomate who forgot that it needs to be paid) I have my roomates mom calling me  trying to find out every detail of my plan of action which is actually quite annoying. and like i have mixed feeling about her because about a week ago she called the office my mother works at and left the most embarrasing message with the fucking receptionist!! and now every time i call, i get this "pity-ing" tone out of her instead of the normal tone..and today it sounded like she laughed when i said who it was calling. like that was FUUUUCKED UUUPPPPP. to like the highest extent. and that in turn pissed my mom off and she lashed out on me, then her mom called me after i wrote her a letter stating to stop calling my mom... and she kept goin on about how she knows how i feel cuz she went thru it not just once, but twice....which i doubt. i dont think her mother pretty much financially disowned her in the middle of leasing an apartment, with no job experience. but ne way..thankfully my grandparents left me enough money, before they past away when i was younger,  to pay for two months rent plus cover past due bills. (thank god)

So while im waiting for that, my roomates mom has called once..(fyi, this is while my roomate is studying abroad in japan) and now she is coming to "check up" on me on friday for lunch and to make sure i have fod and blah blah blah..not a charity case here, i appreciate it but if i have to eat canned veggies to survive i will do it. my aunts did when they firs came to this country and so can i. pasta and can veggies are like 5 star when im done with it lol. so ne way, my other friend..ill call her "beth" so ur not confused. she comes over to drop off the cat food for my roomates cats and  the person she came with tells me my roomate said to "kick me" apparantly for the partying ive been doing..which i find is bullshit cuz she fucking did exctasy twice in 2 weeks!! so i shuld kick her, but its her life so i aint gonna interfere. and also "beth" asked me for the bills to give to my roomates mom..when i heard that i was ike what the fuck..why wuld i give her mom any of the bills..her name isnt on any of em..to be exact most of the bills that come in have my name on it..and electric which shuld have both me and my roomates name on it.... and now i feel like "beth" is jus gettin info out of me to report to my roomates mom whch pisses me off even more. Like i feel people think they have a higher moral standing thanme because of my situation when they are actually lower..cuz of the stupid shit they do and have still been doin....idk know how i feel about my friends right now..and they are supposed to be my best friends..urg and like i wulda been able to apply to all these places i wanted to if my roomates parnts didnt decide that i cant use the car while she is gone..after she told me i could for like two months.

This is a lot of ppl jus screwing me over..moral of the rant is dont treat me like a charity case, especially if ur intentions are as pure as fresh snow